My Husband Isn’t Interested in – - -!

Question:

My husband and I have been married for three years and he is no longer interested in making love to me. I have tried everything he just will not talk to me, but I don’t believe he is cheating on me. What could be the problem?

Answer:

There are a lot of men out there that would love to have this problem – and I do mean a lot.

Believe it or not, there are men who often reject sex from their partner. The first reason we believe is, he has to be sleeping with someone else simply because he is a man. We can’t even imagine most men ever rejecting intimacy.

Let’s face it: generally speaking, biologically and hormonally – not to mention culturally – men are much more driven to be sexual than women are. Yet this is not always necessarily so.

Here are 3 major reasons (other than health issues) why men may reject intimacy:

1. His partner nags him constantly about the things she wants or what he hasn’t done. She never stops to compliment him or acknowledge him for the things he does right, or the difference he makes in her life. All he hears is “I want, I want, I want.” He gets what we call performance anxiety, but he really has no desire to produce for someone who doesn’t appreciate him.
2. He has been frequently rejected (or once faced a particularly traumatic rejection) in past romantic encounters – possibly within your own relationship. It is primarily through sexual arousal that men begin to feel and express his love. This is when his heart is the most vulnerable. It is at this time he can most deeply feel the pains of rejection. If his partner has rejected him in the past his arousal can trigger anger and make him feel that pain again. He may feel aroused and start to feel anger at her and not even know why. In most cases, he will direct his sexual attraction elsewhere, creating a fantasy women who will not reject him or to a women who he doesn’t really care much about.
3. He is no longer turned on by his partner for reasons of appearance. She has stopped taking care of herself and neglects her appearance. She doesn’t take care of the home and most of the time the house is a mess.

You may want to ask your partner if any of these 3 reasons are an issue for him within your relationship, and if so, offer to work with him to overcome this problem. Even if you don’t believe it is a problem, what is important to remember is your partner sees it as a problem – and that problem will not go away until it is addressed to his (or her) satisfaction.