How to Deliver Bad News

Question: How do I tell my girlfriend I have another girl pregnant?

Answer: Delivering bad news is one of the most difficult things we have to do, especially if we are compassionate people who care about others’ feelings. There are some guidelines you can follow. First pick your place and time wisely. For this kind of news you will want a time when both of you are not distracted, or already stressed out. The place should be one that is reasonably comfortable for both of you. In this case you might consider delivering the news at her place so she will have familiar comforts around her (including that lamp you gave her so she can throw it at you). I’m being funny here. I don’t advocate violence.

Tell her how she is probably going to feel after you deliver your message. Consider saying something like, “After I tell you this you probably won’t want to ever see me again.” You should be resigned to this outcome so you don’t appear to be giving her this kind of news and expecting her to forgive you. This isn’t the time to ask for forgiveness or to appear to be keeping the door open for the relationship.

Unfortunately in this case you most likely aren’t going to be able to use the last technique which is to offer a remedy. This isn’t fixable, except maybe with time and distance.

When I get questions like these I struggle with answering them. First, my focus is on helping people to create better relationships, but in this case we have three adults who have no idea what they are creating. Can anyone explain to me, beyond the obvious, how it is that a grown man and woman can manage to conceive a child by mistake? What was she thinking? Was this a childish attempt to trap the man? And from what I understand, the other woman elected to stay in the relationship knowing full well the guy was seeing someone else at the same time. Do the three of you wake up everyday and think about ways to hurt yourselves, and others?

It’s really time for all of you to start taking some personal responsibility and behave like adults. Taking that responsibility also means being totally honest with others in your world. There are those who like to have many partners, but the only way that can remotely be appropriate is if every one of those partners knows the score and that is the kind of relationship they want. For those of you who want to be in a committed relationship you have to take the responsibility to make that abundantly clear to whoever is in your life. Before you start jumping into the sack you should trust the other person. If you don’t trust them, say so, and suggest a non-sexual relationship until the trust is there.