Q – Sex Question – I seem to have the greatest orgasms from watching porn for about five minutes than I have when I am intimate with my hubby. I think it’s the explicit visual that really gets me off. What should I do?
A – Why do you want to do anything? Are you trying to make yourself wrong? What you are enjoying is perhaps the intense feeling you are getting from doing something you may consider to be taboo. As humans we love to “get high” off the intense feelings that we get from sexual encounters. We want more of them, and we want them to continue. Still, it is great that you want to focus more attention on your husband. The techniques that we teach in my videos “How to Make Sex More Fun,” “For His Eyes,” and “For Her Eyes” teach you how to bring the visual intensity you are getting from porn right into your sexual relationship with your husband. We show you how to do this with him practicing on you, and you practicing on him. The best news is that you never master the techniques; you just get better and better.
Q – Irritated Husband – When is enough, enough? I just returned from a 12-month tour in Korea. My wife has had sex with me maybe three times within the 60 days I’ve been home. Every conversation turns into an argument. She demands me to treat her like a queen (lotion her feet every night, brush her hair), yet she won’t give me any of the respect a man should have in his own house. I’m constantly apologizing for things that I haven’t done, because I would rather be happy than right. She won’t apologize for any of her childish actions, no matter how much she knows it hurts me. I’ve been her “jack ass, dumb ass,” and she even gets to the point where she tells me she hates me. I know she does it because she’s mad, but that’s still not cool. Whenever she does decide we’re going to have sex, she acts as if this is a favor to me, and not something we both will enjoy. We have two beautiful children and I’m starting to feel that this is the only reason I am still with her. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Tell me something.
A. – Enough is enough when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. It sounds like she doesn’t value the relationship. Of course, I’m only hearing your side of the story. Usually though, people will take advantage of whatever we allow them to get away with. If you allow this to continue, it will continue until someone changes the cycle. Remember too, you were away for a long time. She learned to live without you so there is a certain amount of relationship rebuilding that has to take place. It seems like the two of you should start with rebuilding respect. Every time she is disrespectful of you, and you allow her to get away with it, she looses even more respect for you. You may think it’s strange because as a male you may believe in calling a spade a spade, however for women it is a test to see how strong you are. If you can’t handle her crap, how are you going to protect her from the rest of the world? You can regain respect by refusing to tolerate it. Remember though, physical and emotional abuse is NOT the way to gain her respect. Instead, you simply need to be firm about what you will not put up with, and communicate that to her when she steps over the line. As far as the sex goes the two of you need to take care of the respect issues before you can begin to make sex fun for both of you again. You might also consider, if this was happening to one of your two kids what advice would you give them?
Q – Motivating Your Spouse – I’ve been with my spouse for eight years. How do I motivate him to want more out of our relationship (more financially, mentally, and emotionally)?
A – By being motivated ourselves, and setting the example of what it is we want we can often increase others’ motivations in the same directions. Often times though, we have expectations of how someone should act or behave because we would act or behave in those ways. This can be frustrating to both of you. Imagine what it’s like when someone wants you to be different than you are. Is he still the person you met? If he is then you may be asking for more than he can deliver. If he isn’t the same person you met then just how has he become different, and more importantly, why? Ultimately though, in either case, open and honest communication is what is required. If he doesn’t value what you value then the two of you might need to learn how to compromise in order to keep your relationship a priority. If on the other hand you discover he shares the same values then it’s a matter of mapping out a plan that helps the two of you get your lives where you want them to be. Remember, you can’t change someone. It’s up to them to change themselves.
