If You Can’t Say Something Nice

by Jackie Fine

“You look nice.” It’s a rather simple and meaningless compliment, but it came from an unexpected source. A male friend I hadn’t seen in a while said it to me almost in passing the other day, and he caught me off-guard.

I had forgotten the power such a minor statement carries. In the midst of a hectic day, someone’s three words stopped the chaos in my brain long enough to make me smile inside. It calmed me. I felt more positive about not only myself but the mountain of work towering over me.

Later on, I tried it out on someone else. My partner loves to cook. He loves to try out new recipes and will even make changes beforehand, because somewhere in his intricate cooking philosophy he believes he’s right. He’ll explain his bizarre theories to me, but I usually just nod and watch everything sizzle.

Well that night I paid close attention to what he had to say while he cooked. During the meal, I complimented him on how wonderful the food tasted, and I phrased what I had to say in the ideas he had mentioned to me earlier. Girls, I don’t know if I’ve ever made a man smile more.

It’s easy. Be nice. As you stretch any relationship over time, the proportion of positive feedback shrinks. More and more, we tell our mates only the “me” stuff or the “what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you” stuff.

A radio caller complained to me about how much her husband admires Jada Pinkett-Smith for having two kids and maintaining a good figure. (First of all, boys, watch it when you vocally admire women whose millions can buy them full-time personal trainers.) This particular caller claimed she still looks twenty-five, even though she’s had three kids and just turned thirty-six.

I can’t speak to how this woman actually looks, but it’s obvious someone hasn’t mentioned his attraction to her in quite some time. Most likely he still likes how she looks. I bet in the beginning he even told her so quite often. Eventually we all passively assume our partner knows we think they’re beautiful. Compliments start to leave our daily conversation, so that the neutral or even negative things begin to pile up.

Not only do they start to pile up, but it takes work to knock them down. I read recently that we need five positive encouragements to outweigh one negative comment. So if that husband makes a statement about Jada on a Sunday then praises his wife once every day after that, he’s got an entire work-week of being nice ahead of him. And that’s just make-up nice.

Wouldn’t it be great to get ahead? No one can get enough praise or admiration. If we coat our partner with praise, then the ignorant and foolish things we say will bounce off. People who feel secure in their mate’s admiration don’t become aggravated as often.

Try it this week. Part of the praise game requires paying attention. Look for something new your lover has done or notice the efforts they’ve made to do something well. Find a way to compliment them that isn’t just nice but is meaningful to their situation. It becomes easy; you just have to notice. Remember, if you can’t say anything nice, well, you just aren’t trying hard enough.

For more information visit Jackie at www.justaskjackie.com or call (800) 874-6685.

Link To Jackie's Site - Terms of Use - Privacy Policy

The Media Source - P.O. Box 1256 - Cypress, TX 77410-1256 USA
Telephone: (800) 874-6685 - Fax (800) 287-6218 - Email
Contents © 2001-2008 The Media Source. All Rights Reserved.