 by Jackie Fine
A recent email I received from a man dealt with a common concern,
and therein lay the problem. He would, she wouldn't. He wanted
oral sex from her, and she wouldn't comply. Occasionally, maybe,
but not very much and for sure not very long.
They'd been together since high school. They'd been married for
twelve years. They had two young but wonderful children. They even
had great sex, but she just couldn't seem to bring herself to accept
providing this one aspect of pleasure. I'm sure many men experience
this same situation. Unfortunately, any male who's ever seen anything
erotic almost expects oral sex to be as common and simple an act
as brushing one's teeth.
First of all, I want to approach the basic idea itself. Gentlemen,
it may come as some surprise to you to find that most women find
oral sex rather difficult.
Don't get too proud of your girth yet, boys. The situation simply
doesn't work as well as you'd hope. The average mouth is not engineered
like the average male. Semen also doesn't have the nicest flavor.
I doubt most of you males would like to taste it.
Another aspect of her not wanting to give oral sex could be life
responsibilities. If your female partner raises the kids and takes
care of the house, she's going to be tired. If she keeps a full-time
job, she'll be tired. If she manages some combination of the two,
you'll be lucky to get even the quickest kiss. Responsibilities
like these take energy, and so does anything romantic. Often, the
romance loses.
However, that's just the basic explanation and only one side of
it. Don't we want our mate to please us? Don't we deserve something
in return for what we give? In this particular case, the man enjoyed
pleasing his wife in ways she wouldn't return. And yes, I do find
some measure of unfairness in that.
People respond to encouragement, not complaints. If your wife only
teases you with her tongue and will do nothing more, that's fine.
Express that you enjoy it. Tell her you love what she does. If
she senses your pleasure and not your pressure, she'll be much
more willing to try something further, without your even asking.
Trust me, if she discovers how to please you by herself and not
by coercion, she'll come back to that over and over. Also, people
always respond to being told what they're doing well instead of
what they're doing wrong.
Love involves a give and take. Remember that giving doesn't always
mean performing. Sexual acts aren't a mathematical proportion -
they involve people. If you go down on your partner and they won't
on you, that's OK. One act doesn't exactly deserve another. Remember,
the "giving" could mean "encouraging."
One final note, however. Don't lose sight of what you have. This
man doesn't feel neglected or unloved. He has a wife he loves and
two children he's proud of. His wife even finds the time and energy
for sex after dealing with the kids and the house. Sexual questions
aside, this family will succeed. I think the past year has taught
us the importance of the people we love.
So understand where your mate is coming from and how to respond
to what they are already doing. Relax and encourage, and eventually
you might find yourself having a night that will go down in history.
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