 by Jackie Fine
Sex can be commerce.
Sex can be pain.
But sex can also mean death.
I don't mean to ruin your reading, but I refuse to speak only on
the joys of lovemaking.
A lonely woman met a wealthy man at a club. She didn't know he
was married, but she also didn't bother to find out. She didn't
really care.
By the end of the evening, he offered her $2,000 to sleep with
him. She accepted, and the two found an appropriately discreet
hotel in order to consummate the partnership. Afterwards, he wrote
her a check. The check bounced. The man could not be found.
Oddly enough, the woman once again didn't really care. That $2,000
would have covered little of her HIV treatment anyway.
People do foolish things. People also have an unending capacity
to hurt one another. This instance combines both. It's one of those
stories that illustrates a version of the worst-case scenario.
Theologians talk about "vincible ignorance" and "invincible
ignorance". Vincible ignorance occurs when you don't know
the truth to a situation but you can find it out with a little
investigation.
Invincible ignorance, on the other hand, involves situations where
it is utterly impossible to find out the truth.
The sexual relationship you have with your partner is vincible
ignorance. You know the truth and you trust it from that person.
Sex with strangers defines invincible ignorance - and when the
truth is unattainable, you should not act.
Monogamy means one partner, and one partner means safety. More
than one partner brings uncontrollable variables into a relationship
and into your life.
Living outside monogamy can mean different things. You could go
clubbing and pick up new people. You could have that friend that
you hook up with every once in a while when neither of you have
someone else. You could be in a casual relationship and sleep with
other people. You could be in a serious relationship and decide
to test the waters elsewhere every once in a while. On one hand,
all these situations (except the last one) can mean harmless fun.
Theoretically, no one should get hurt.
But let's ignore the emotional aspects of lovemaking that can bring
pain to someone and focus on the physical part of sex. There are
over thirty bacteria responsible for sexually transmitted diseases
out there, not counting the myriad mutations they can take. When
you have sex with people who are having sex with other people who
are having sex with still others, you increase your chances of
catching a sexually transmitted disease exponentially.
But when you find someone you can commit to, and the two of you
speak honestly about things - like sex, your past, present and
future together, etc. - you can reduce that risk to zero.
You will also discover someone that will know your body and how
to please it. They will be someone to experiment with, someone
to share fantasies and desires with, and someone to fulfill your
raciest wishes.
I don't want to sound like an old maid. Our bodies can be such
fabulous toys to share with someone else. Playing with your lover
should be the same sort of safe childish play you enjoyed as a
child with adult supervision.
You're the adult now. Supervise yourself. Be good to yourself,
then be good to someone else.
|
