 by Jackie Fine
A friend once asked me to distill all the advice on romance I give
into a quick tip. I said simply, love the other person. It's a
verb, so act it out.
She said thank you and rolled her eyes at me with a sigh. I thought
my advice sounded superb, and I could make this an easy email with
that one basic and powerful idea. But rather than have all you
rolling your eyes at me with a collective, "Gee, thanks Jackie," I've
decided to open up the advice to 8 Basic Tips Everyone Should Know:
1. Make Your Partner Feel Good Outside The Bedroom.
Love your
partner by looking for ways to make them feel good. All you
sex lovers out there, take your mind from the bedroom (or kitchen
counter, couch, wherever) for a second and try to expand your
horizons.
I know I talk about sex a lot, but this time I'm talking about the little things
- the unexpected actions that put an involuntary smile on your partner's face.
Doing something nice for someone makes them feel good, which I promise will make
you feel good.
2. Learn More About How To Please Your Partner.
OK, now something
about sex. Take the time to read or watch videos together on improving
your sex life and communications skills. Communication and sex
are intimately tied, and pleasing your partner is a learned skill.
Mere mating comes naturally, but truly understanding how to unify
your partner's physical and emotional pleasure takes effort and
education. So spend that time together and turn a tired routine
into torrid romance.
3. Be Your Lover's Best Friend.
Be the person they tell their thoughts
to, they share humorous stories with, they watch movies and read
books with. Love doesn't preclude friendship. In fact, without
it, love won't exist.
4. Pay Attention To What Your
Partner Brings To The Relationship.
The
reasons you love them rest on who they are and how they uniquely
relate to you. Thank and acknowledge them for the beautiful differences
they bring to your life and your experience. Vocal acknowledgment
not only makes them feel good, but it reinforces and reminds you
of why you love them.
5. Throw Some Variety Into Your Relationship.
Eat someplace new.
If you like movies, go to a play. Make love in a different position,
in a different room, in a different city. The point is to experience
life in all it variations and to do it together.
6. Call Your Partner In The Middle Of The Day.
If they pop into
your head, for whatever reason, call them. Tell them little thought
that reminded you of them. Share with them your "highs" for
the day. Don't get into the habit of only unloading the lows, because
they'll become too much of a crutch for you, and nobody wants to
see a frown all to time.
7. Don't Lose Sight Of The Importance Of Romance.
Take time to do
the things you did when you first spent time together. I know
I talked about variety, but here is a point where the same may
be
something good. Of course, if you're doing something romantic,
most likely that in and of itself is a change when the rest of
your day is occupied by the worries of the world: work, housecleaning,
children, bills, etc.
Finally…
8. Don't Let The Hollywood
or the Media Define Your
Relationship.
Every person is too unique to be generalized into
a stereotype. Let what sets you apart from other couples be
something you cultivate and enjoy. Live up to your standards
and no one else's. Love like you love, not like you've been
told to love.
I hope these eight tips can help explain somewhat what I mean when
I say to love someone. It is an action, it takes some effort. No
one can love by sitting still.
Don't focus on being in love, focus on loving. "Love" shouldn't
describe your locations, it should describe your lifestyle.
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