 by Jackie Fine
A young female friend of mine recently created her own Summer of
Love.
Fresh out of a relationship, Nikki took a few sips of her new found
freedom, enjoyed the taste, and drank deeply. One could even say
her blood-freedom content had past the inebriation point.
Were there such a thing as a relationship cop, they would never
have let Nikki behind the wheel.
Nikki is in her mid-twenties, attractive and intelligent. I'd call
her near the end of a long day and ask, "Nick, it's Tuesday.
Tell me." Without a thought, as though reciting well-rehearsed
lines, she would say, "From 5-7 it's three dollar blue margaritas
at Pepe's, then two dollar you-call-its at the Red Lounge, and
it's lady's night, and the cute lawyers show up. Wait, you said
Tuesday, right?"
Nikki knew. Nikki met men. Lots of men…lots of attractive men.
Nikki enjoyed these men. On Wednesday morning, I could call Nikki
and ask her about the evening, and she would have stories to tell
- often amazing stories. (Guys, you have no idea the stories I
heard.)
Invariably though, by Thursday, she'd wonder if she should call Tuesday's man.
By Friday, she would curse the phone for not ringing. By Saturday, she would
curse Tuesday's man, and decide to find herself another one.
Then September came. Nikki sighed at brunch one Sunday and asked
how to meet men that mattered.
I had to laugh! Oh, Nikki.
Where you meet someone dictates what you can expect from it. If
you meet at a club or bar where the patrons have put on flashy
clothes and the alcohol smiles, then you're probably going to get
laid, but that's it. Come on, people - the birds enter into similar
mating rituals. If you want something more substantial than sex,
you're going to have to do better than the animals.
I'm not saying flirting is a bad idea. Maybe it's time we simply
redefined how we understand flirting. What you say and who you
present yourself to be are extremely important. Something else
I've noticed to be of equal importance is location. The real estate
mantra works for romance - location, location, location.
A man who comes up to me in a bar is just another man. But the
man that stops me at the grocery store, the park, or even the average
community event makes a different statement.
For instance, guys, if you're at the grocery store and see a woman
you might like to meet, go ahead and say hi. Comment on what she's
buying, or better, what you're buying. Tell her about the fabulous
meal you're making and ask for advice on a side dish.
Be polite, keep it simple, and don't ask for her number! Tell her
you'd love to cook for her sometime, and offer her your phone number
instead. Trust me, she'll be surprised and may well think she'll
never call you. But she has your number, she has a phone, and more
than likely the two will meet in the near future. Consideration
is the key.
Come-on lines turn my stomach, but a man who treats me with interest
as another human being will gain my attention - and my respect.
It just so happens that those are two of the building blocks for
true romance.
A nice outfit and an open bar tab are fine and all, but they are
not your best features. You are. Present that with honesty and
simplicity and a slight flirtatious flair. Maybe I'll see you in
the wine aisle…don't be a stranger.
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