 by Jackie Fine
A friend of mine - a really wild young thing - recently told me
about an experience she once had with a couple. She joined them
in a night of drinking, which later moved to their house, then
to their bedroom. For a night, the three of them enjoyed each other.
However, afterwards - and to her surprise - they never speak again,
though they still had mutual friends.
I bring this story up because a lot of people have begun asking
me about threesomes lately, and I think my friend's experience
is only a glimpse into what occurs when a third person becomes
part of something we usually share with only one partner.
If you
do the math, you will discover that bringing a third person into
an otherwise committed sexual relationship means that one person
ends up being left out. The most common threesome seems to involve
a couple plus another woman - which means either the guy will be
left alone or his partner will. Either way, the result is jealousy
and loneliness will loom just outside the bedroom. Perhaps the
invited girl will feel left out, causing her to feel cheapened
and unecessary, existing only as a momentary plaything, her previous
friendship with the luckier couple greatly and irreversibly devalued.
We prefer to focus on the physical and even mental aspects of intercourse,
but people tend to forget that sex means sharing an intimate part
of yourself with another human being.
I recently did an interview on Playboy's satellite radio channel
where a man called in and said he had invited another man to join
him and his wife. After sex, his wife cleaned up, came back to
the bed, and snuggled up - to the new guy, not him. Naturally,
the husband instantly became upset, yet he shouldn't have been
surprised at all. The woman in this particular situation had just
shared something with the new man - not with her husband - so cuddling
afterwards with the other man was only a natural expression of
the experience for her.
When we have sex, we become, to some degree,
emotionally attached to the other person. But what happens when
that doesn't work out?
The relationship between the couple and between the other person
will be damaged or destroyed - I can guarantee that.
People usually
enter threesomes looking for intensity and/or new experiences.
Our partner may not be giving us something we need
sexually, and we think a new person can solve that. If the woman
is unfulfilled, most likely the man is unable or has forgotten
how to please her orally or manually, and the two of them should
communicate. If the man is unhappy, the most common cause is a
lack of attraction, in which case he should re-examine why he's
in that relationship. Communication will be the solution.
If you feel satisfied and fulfilled in your relationship to your
partner, then you won't want to share something that you value
with anyone else. When we look elsewhere for the intensity we don't
have at home, we end up hurting the relationships that matter.
After experiencing a threesome, we've intimately shared ourselves
with other people, but the next day we have to redraw lines in
the changed relationships that will cause everyone involved to
suffer.
It takes time to truly know someone intimately - in fact, it takes
a lifetime. But a threesome is a Pandora's box of problems that
suffocates any hope for intimacy. If you are in a monogomous relationship
with someone you truly care about and want to know more intimately,
why would you let someone else in? Instead of copping out by getting
into a threesome; why not spend your time making your relationship
better?
Don't skim the surface of intimacy with your lover, dive in and
get to know them better - one on one!
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