 by Jackie Fine
Sex.
Not as much.
Those phrases appear with each other in almost every other email
I receive. A wedding band can often be a stopper to sexual activity,
but marriage isn't the only sexual cease-fire.
I've found almost any living arrangement that follows commitment
eventually fits the pattern. Lovers commit to each other. They
move in together. They stop making love.
Well stop it, people.
Sex won't be the glue that holds you together, but sex can let
the sun shine on your intimacy.
Sex feels great, so why do we stop having it? Basically, because
convenience destroys beauty.
A good male friend of mine was ecstatic after his local convenience
store began carrying his favorite micro-brewery beer from Colorado.
(Ladies, this example is more for the guys; I know beer and sex
hardly seem related.) After a while though, he lost interest. Why?
Because the trouble he had to go to for this specialty beer no
longer existed. Convenience had made it as boring as any other
watered-down lager (his words) in the store.
So likewise, since we feel we can have sex anytime we want, so
we don't.
Let's assume a different situation.
Suppose your partner told you
they would give you a full-body massage at the end of every day
for the next week. Would you turn that
down? Probably not. But if you would, you'd have to ask why.
First off, it might be more pleasurable for your partner than for
you. Or maybe you feel you're going to lose something in the exchange
-- something of value to you will have to be given up. Either way,
both present a roadblock to intimacy.
If the first reason fits you, then express it and find out a different
solution. I've seen countless sex lives transformed because the
wife finally found the courage to say she just didn't like having
to count cracks in the ceiling every time. If that's the case,
just say so and try something new.
If the other case fits you, find out what you feel you'll lose.
Perhaps your lover has lied to you, hurt or angered you. Perhaps
you're depressed or bored or something else in the relationship
(or even outside) has overcome your outlook. That's OK and natural,
but it's preventing you from opening up physically (and most likely
emotionally) to your partner.
Sex without intimacy is little more than masturbation. That also
isn't really a problem, unless you want the highest sex possible.
I do. Most of the time.
Anti-depressants, menopause, and hysterectomies can all affect
a woman's libido. But basically, the idea is if you don't use it,
you're going to lose it. Lose it? Yes.
But you can find it again. If natural techniques don't work, products
such as Alura often will. They enhance the sensation for women
hardly noticing it, and can even restore it for those missing out
completely.
Another problem can be how the sexes look at love-making. Men are
goal-oriented; they often look to achieve an orgasm, and that poses
a problem for women. A woman who notices her man slow down in order
to please her will only desire him more. And men, from what I can
tell, a delayed orgasm is a FABULOUS orgasm. I'm not making this
up.
Finally, people often ask how often sex should be a part of marriage.
I don't know. Do you feel deprived? If so, talk about it and work
out a solution. Remember what I've said before: sex doesn't have
to be intercourse. Define pleasure in your own words. Don't let
the magazines make
you feel inferior.
And if you're having enough sex to keep you happy and excited,
then you're fine. But if you're not, figure out why.
So I think that about covers it. Sex is what you make of it. You
define the parameters of your love life. Enjoy it.
And if you aren't, find out why. Don't believe the convenience
lie. Make love fun and as often as you want.
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