 by Jackie Fine
Fashion is stupid.
I say that as someone who's been eyeing this particular bag for
two weeks now. I know that it will stay in style for only so long,
and then the fashion season will change, and that purse will be
bagged away like so many leaves before winter. But until then,
the chase is on. Luckily, that purse isn't going anywhere.
Now here's another, much more complex chase.
A friend of mine - I'll call her Tanya - has had her eye on a rather
fashionable man for about the same length of time as my purse fascination.
She's pursued, played it cool, behaved coquettishly, acted shy,
etc. Basically, she's tried everything with little to show for
it.
Then, over coffee the other day, Tanya says she's not sure she
even wants him. Her experience has taught her that often the pursuit
is more fun than the possession. Once she's gotten the person she
wants, boredom sets in and she feels the need to move on to something
(or someone) else.
Granted, sometimes you find the fit isn't right and you do need
to move on, but how many perfectly acceptable people do we pass
over because the chase has concluded and our interest has waned?
Well, a relationship is only what you make of it. The pursuit brings
excitement because you're trying hard to come up with ways to attract
and entice that person. You pay attention to their most minute
needs and behaviors, and every time they recognize and appreciate
that, you feel great.
Why should that change after your relationship moves beyond casual
dating? How you caught them is how you keep them. You continue
to treat them as though they might leave tomorrow, or as though
they aren't necessarily committed to you. In other words, the pursuit
never ends.
This brings up an important point. So many people have amazing
talents at the dating phase. They can talk a great game and put
up an amazingly attractive front. But it's the people who call
themselves "players" who wind up in rocking chairs alone
in the nursing home.
I'm not saying a lifetime commitment should be your goal. But if
that interests you, then behave like it around your current attraction.
Be yourself, because when you start slowing your pursuit and let
your true self show through for the first time, that someone is
bound to leave.
So go for what you want, but appreciate it once you have it. If
you don't make the pursuit part of your daily romance lifestyle,
then your catch is going to slip away. If you don't take care of
your lover, someone else might come along who will.
Love mirrors fashion in a sense - both can always change. But while
you can't have an effect on where Donna Versace's attentions will
land, you can influence where your partner will stay.
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